Mother's Day at Number 12
by The Kerl
Summary: Sirius wants to to give mommy dearest a very special gift, but he needs Lily's help. Sixth year one-shot, explaining why Sirius enjoys singing the oldies. James x Lily.


**So this was inspired by my other HP fic I'm working on, where Remus and Sirius discuss Sirius singing Muggle songs in Azkaban (It will not be posted until Halloween). I thought that Lily simply teaching him random songs was a bit much, so I had to give them an excuse. With Mother's Day coming up, and Sirius's unconditional love of his mother, the answer was quite obvious. This is that excuse.**

**ATTENTION: I have no connections to the Harry Potter series, Elton John, Barry Manilow, ABBA, Carly Simon, Billy Joel, Carlos Santana, or the Beatles. But I do love them all.**

**Here's to You, Mrs. Black.

* * *

**There was a loud _BANG_ resounding from the boys dormitories. "NO!"

As always, she ignored any outside distractions, losing herself in her studying. "_… You walked into the party like you were walkin' onto a yacht…"_ she sang under her breath.

"Pads, calm down. Just because you forgot –"

"I'm sure we can figure something out."

"But it's this _Sunday_! I'll never find something suitable in _five days_!" Sirius stormed down the stairs. Remus trailed after him to make sure he didn't hex anymore first years.

"…_and all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner, they'd be your partner…"_

"Wait – do you hear that?"

"What?"

"…_you're so vain you probably think this song is about you!"_

"I don't know, but I think it's – "

"_You're so vain I bet you think this song is about you, don't you, don't you…"_

"Evans! Perfect! What was that you were singing?"

"Shove off Black."

"Quick Lily! I need your help with a new project!" Sirius vaulted over the couch in the common room, nearly landing in the poor girl's lap. She quickly shoved him away and began stacking her books in her arms in an attempt to make a speedy retreat to her dormitory. Remus ran back up to the boys' room to hide. "Lily, I'm serious! This is a bloody emergency!" She continued to ignore him. "Evans, what kind of friend are you if you won't help a mate in need?"

Her temper getting the better of her, and failing to notice the crowd Sirius was attracting, Lily burst and threw her books in Sirius's general direction. He ducked behind a chair just in the nick of time. "Black, just leave me alone! A) We are not friends, B) I am not going to do your potions essay, and C) Whatever Potter has gotten himself into this time is no concern of mine." She was furious – why did the Marauders think that she wanted to play along as part of their silly game?

"Oh, don't be like that Evans – you know he can get himself out of any situation imaginable. Hah! He's nearly as slippery as Snivellus!"

"Black you have exactly ten seconds before I march up those stairs and pretend you don't exist. One…Two…"

"Oi! Give a bloke some notice, Evans!"

"Four…Five…"

"Fine! I need some information."

"Six…I told you I wasn't going to help Potter…Eight…"

"Not that sort of information."

"Nine…"

"Ineenoboumuggl! Hah, I got it out before you said ten!"

She slapped her forehead dramatically. "Yes, and I've no idea what you said."

He grasped her arm and drug her to a less-populated corner. In a low voice he repeated his request. "I need to know about Muggles." She blanched. "What? You think I'm not quite so worldly as some? Well, just because my best mate knows absolutely nothing about Muggleborns doesn't mean I should follow suit, does it? I mean, it's not my fault you hate him."

Lily was still flabbergasted. "And just why do you need to know about Muggles?"

"Lily – I don't care what James says about you, you're an absolute gem! You see Mother's Day is coming up soon, and my mum – she's a horrible, nasty, old hag – well, she hates anything Muggle. So, to properly thank Mum for giving birth to the wonder that is me, I feel I should surprise her with the most Muggliest thing imaginable. Like a car, or something." Lily stared at him in disbelief. "I'm serious – she really is an insufferable hag."

"You're right about one thing – you are a wonder."

Sirius blushed and waved a hand at her. "My my, Evans, did you just call me wonderful? You know, and I'm really only doing this because I _really_ need your help, I'm going to bypass the opportunity to made a crude joke on your behalf."

"You must be truly desperate, in that case."

"Evans, you haven't met Mummy. So will you help me?"

"I suppose so…but only if you promise me something first."

"Anything you desire, my lovely Lily Flower. Just say the word."

"You have to promise me that my summer will be one hundred percent Potter-free." There was an evil glint in her eye that Sirius envied, a glint he shared with James when planning an attack on Slytherin House.

"You know even _I_ can't do that, no matter how wonderful I am. Death would not keep him from you, I'm afraid."

"Fine then. No deal." She turned on her heel only to be spun back around by Sirius.

"Wait! I can't promise to keep him away from you…but I can make sure that I destroy the pictures."

"_Pictures?_ What _pictures?_"

"You mean you didn't know? Well, of course you wouldn't – he keeps them with the cloak."

"_Cloak?_"

"Sorry Evans, offering to destroy the pictures should be enough. He's paid off first years to sneak pictures of you for as long as I can remember. He keeps them hidden in his trunk, but I know about them. In exchange for certain information I can see to it that his collection meets a fiery end. So how about it? Will you help me with a present for my mum?" He grinned broadly, knowing she had to help him now.

"Black, as much as I hate to think about what you have in store for your mum – on Mother's Day! – I have no alternative. What do you want to know?"

He bounced on his feet, resisting the urge to throw Lily over his shoulder and spin around the room. James would kill him before he was able to deliver his mum's present. "Lily – you're a goddess amongst mortals. I think we could start off with that enchanting song you were singing earlier…"

**_SBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSB_**

"_Flagrante_."

"This is bloody brilliant, mate! How do you know so much about Muggle music, anyways?" James was putting the finishing touches on the card to make sure that it was just as indestructible as Mrs. Black's heart of stone.

Sirius paused, a bag of dungbombs in his hand. "I, uh, got some help."

"Really? From whom?" Sirius ignored him and began to crush up the dungbombs into the card. "Pads, you can tell me, you know. I won't tell Remus or Peter you had to ask for help."

"Honestly Prongs! The very nerve! I, Sirius Black, was simply utilizing some previously undiscovered resources. Just because you're too thick to do the same doesn't mean that –"

"Thick, am I?"

"Yes. You're just jealous that she talked to me and not to you. 'S your own fault, you know." Sirius turned his attention back to the card, grinning devilishly as he added a permanent sticking charm his mum taught him.

James sat there with his arms crossed over his chest. "Wait – who are we talking about?"

"Never you mind, Jimmy boy. I'm sure you'll find out soon enough," he added under his breath. He lifted the red card into the air, proudly announcing its completion. "What do you think? Mummy is sure to love it."

"I think this card will bring tears to her eyes, my friend." James clapped Sirius on the back in a brotherly manner as they took in their creation with pride.

After a few minutes, Sirius shrugged away and carefully placed the card in a red envelope. "Right. I should show this to Lily before I send it. Thanks again for the help." He dashed out of the room, leaving James to piece his words together.

"PADFOOT!"

Downstairs in the common room, Sirius snatched the card back from Lily and dashed off to the owlery. She watched in amusement as James followed, hot on the trail. He rushed right past her in such a fury that he barely noticed the box of pictures she was holding dangerously close to the fireplace.

**_SBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSB_**

Sunday morning came like any other morning in the Black house. Mrs. Walburga Black rose from her room at the crack of dawn like a bat and floated down the stairs in the same manner. She took her place at the breakfast table as Kreacher served her usual: charbroiled dragonbreast and a poached hippogriff egg. Mr. Orion Black was already seated and sorting the morning post over his burnt toast with jam. Mrs. Black reached for her pile of letters and gave what her family knew to be her equivalent to a smile as she tore open a letter from her youngest.

_Dearest Mum,_

_I wasn't sure what to get you for Mother's Day, so I've instructed Kreacher to prepare a very special dinner for you and Father. If everything goes according to plan, he has already begun roasting the unicorn and setting up guards to prevent any of that filth you so despise from using the street in front of the house._

_Enjoy, and Happy Mother's Day._

_Your son,_

_Regalus._

"Did you know about this?" she hissed with delight.

"Naturally," he drawled out in a sleepy voice. "Who do you think approved the permit to bring the beast in?"

"You shouldn't have."

"Anything for you, Mrs. Black. And careful not to touch the red one. Someone's cursed it." He showed her the blisters on his fingers from where he'd touched the card already.

"Oh – _he's_ sent me something. I'd best burn it. _Incendio!_" Much to the dissatisfaction of the Blacks, the letter remained in perfect condition.

"Try banishing it. You never know what he's done to it."

"Come now, Mr. Black. He's not bright enough to do anything _that_ complex. Let's open it and see what the child wants. Maybe he's changed his mind…"

"Unlikely."

"Quite, but if we don't open it we won't know how to properly reply, will we?"

"As always Mrs. Black, your mind speaks only sense. Let's open it."

Mrs. Black levitated the card as far from her face as possible, careful not to touch it. She knew it was a howler from that child of hers, but she very much doubted it was anything other than a pack of lies and insults meant to hurt her feelings. He was always a spineless coward compared to his brother.

Oh, how she underestimated her eldest son.

Rather than shrieking like the other howlers he'd sent his mother over the years, this particular howler burst into song. As it sang it spewed the most horrid confetti – it smelt of dungbombs and attached itself to whatever it touched.

_**Dearest Mother**_, the card began in a low voice.

_**As you very well know, nothing I could ever hope to buy you would ever be capable of conveying the feelings I hold fast in my heart for your dear self. Rather than buying you an expensive bauble or instructing someone else to do something nice for you like I'm positive the sibling has done, I've composed a song for you using lines from popular Muggle songs.**_

The card giggled and began to sing in a loud, clear voice.

_**It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside.**_

_**I'm not one of those who can easily hide:**_

_**I know it's not much but it's the best I can do –**_

_**My gift is my song and this one's for you.**_

_**I put the words and the melodies together;**_

_**I write the songs that make the young girls cry.**_

_**You had me several years ago when I was still quite naïve.**_

_**You say you want a revolution?**_

_**Well you know we all wanna change the world.**_

_**You tell me that it's evolution,**_

_**Well you know we all wanna change the world**_

_**But when you talk about destruction,**_

_**Don't you know that you can count me out?**_

_**Ah, but they never told you the price that you pay**_

_**For things that you might have done:**_

_**Only the good die young.**_

_**What's the name of the game? Does it mean anything to you?**_

_**What's the name of the game? Can you feel it the way I do?**_

_**I've been cheated by you since I don't know when –**_

_**So I've made up my mind it must come to an end.**_

_**Look at me now – will I ever learn? – I don't know how**_

_**But I suddenly lose control – there's a fire within my soul.**_

_**Only the good die young.**_

_**I remember all my life, rainin' down as cold as ice,**_

_**I got fire in my mind,**_

_**I get higher in my walkin',**_

_**And I'm glowin' in the dark –**_

_**I give you warnin'!**_

_**Mama Mia! Does it show again just how much I missed ya?**_

_**Only the good die young.**_

_**Her name is Lola. She was a showgirl.**_

_**Just one look!**_

_**She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes;**_

_**She can ruin your faith with her casual lies,**_

_**But that was thirty years ago, when they used to have a show.**_

_**Still in the dress she used to wear,**_

_**Faded feathers in her hair –**_

_**She sits there so refined**_

_**And drinks herself half-blind.**_

_**She lost her youth and she lost her Tony –**_

_**Now she's lost her mind!**_

_**But she's a black magic woman –**_

_**She's tryin' to make a devil out of me.**_

_**Only the good die young.**_

_**Well, you're where you should be all the time,**_

_**And when you're not you're with**_

_**Some underworld spy or the**_

_**Wife of a close friend, wife of a close friend and**_

_**You're so vain you probably think this song is about you!**_

_**And you can tell everybody that this is your song.**_

_**It may be quite simple, but now that it's done**_

_**I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind**_

_**That I put down in words how wonderful life is**_

_**While you're in the world.**_

_**I really hope you like it. And don't worry, it should only stay like that for a week or so.**_

_**Sirius**_

_**Oh, and I will be living with James from now on, so don't expect me home any time…ever.**_

_**Happy Mother's Day.**_

"Kreacher, you get this thing off of my forehead right now! It's burning and it won't stop singing!"

Mr. Black returned to his burnt toast, happy to ignore the screeching and wailing coming from his wife and the house elf.

"Mistress! Master Regalus's present to Mistress is gone!"

"_Gone!_"

"Kreacher finds a rotting cow instead of the lovely unicorn master catched you."

"Why that vile, useless, Muggle-loving wretch!"

Later that day, while Sirius's portrait was being removed from the family tree, the young man in question was hiding from the wrath of his best friend. Lily enjoyed the peace and quiet of the common room, curled up with a book, as Moony and Wormtail watched Padfoot and Prongs chase each other around the Forbidden Forest.

* * *

**I know the songs jump around, but then Sirius is not a musician…and neither am I.**


End file.
